I, Johna Hawking, have a confession.
Despite my mother’s constant pleas that I stop treating my articles like diary entries, I’m going to ignore that advice (probably too well) and get this confession off my chest.
Yes, dear reader I have done what I have warned us all not to do. I sent a ‘heyy’ text to my emotionally unavailable person. You know who I was bragging about kicking? Yes, that one.
In my defense I spent a week on my lonely farm and if you don’t count the bulls, I didn’t get much attention from the male species that week.
So, back in my lovely one-bedroom city apartment I reached out to the easiest, yet most unapproachable guy I know and said ‘Heyyy’.
‘Despite my mother’s constant urging that I stop treating my articles like diary entries, I’m going to ignore that advice (probably too well) and keep this confession close to my chest,’ said Jana.
Was it a proud moment? No? Does it turn out to be worth it? Shamefully, yes.
You see, before I sent that text I decided to treat myself to a glass of champagne and it’s the sparkles in that glass that I attribute to my following actions. I must admit I’m a bit of a Cadbury – glass-and-a-half and I’m tipsy.
Now it’s not just a limited sexting situation. Oh no. I ended up doing it via FaceTime. Yes, for the first time in my 38 years of life, I found my sexiest via FaceTime.
I’ve always felt that if you’re going to do something you probably shouldn’t, go all in. Really make the most of that terrible, terrible decision.
So, after we get the whole ‘Why aren’t you talking to me?’ Out of business, we decided to send each other a picture of the current state of our undressing. I’m not usually a fan of ad*ck pictures, especially when the guy is holding it aggressively and at a bad angle (yoooo no!) but these were pretty hot.
I fumbled around for too long trying to get a good shot of my breasts, but the payoff was worth it because within seconds she was calling my phone so I could hear her go into great detail ‘I’ll do this if you’re right now. Lived here’ chat.
Side note: guys, learn how to talk dirty and you’ll have women flocking to you.
It also worked a treat because before I knew it he had transferred the call to a FaceTime.
‘I’ve always felt that if you’re going to do something you probably shouldn’t, go all out. Really make the most of that terrible, terrible decision,’ she says
Do you do or have done work on FaceTime?
My first words were ‘no, absolutely not’ before we had a laugh. Then I poured another glass of champagne and threw caution to the wind.
It lasted about ten glorious minutes and involved lots of graphic foreplay and moaning. At one point I would catch a glimpse of myself in the mirrored screen and think ‘Where did Jana Hawking get this confidence?’ Answer: Champagne.
But can I just say… it’s not as easy as it sounds!
So let me do the hard work and share with you my tips and tricks for a sexy FaceTime.
1. Don’t record it. seriously Haven’t read the news lately? horrible thing Watch only with your eyes, not your recording device.
2. Allow yourself two drinks (max) before you do this. No more, and I would even say, no less. I definitely needed some liquid courage, but you don’t want to look messy on Facetime. He can see you after all. Also, you always want to be aware of your camera angle. Clear head = clear vision.
Priyanka Chopra believes in ‘sexting and Facetime sex’ while away from Nick Jonas
Priyanka Chopra doesn’t have to stay with husband Nick Jonas because there’s some ‘heat’ in her marriage.
The 40-year-old previously confirmed on Watch What Happens Live that she believes in ‘sexting and FaceTime sex’ when she is away from beau Nick for extended periods.
The beauty replied ‘definitely’ when asked by Andy Cohen if she ‘believes in sexting or FaceTime sex’.
He added that he believes the foundation of a lasting relationship is ‘trust’ and ‘respect’.
He said: ‘It really worked for me, he has to be someone who respects you. By that, I don’t mean make coffee for you, not that. But someone who respects the hard work you’ve put into your life.
‘Who respects that if his work is important, so is yours. Or if he likes what’s important to him, so is your opinion. That’s the honor, and it’s incredible.’
3. Focus the light. Turn on the lamp with flatter wattage. No harsh overhead lights. You want to see your bits and bobs filter around. We’re talking ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ interview lighting.
4. Clean up your surroundings. Pick up that wet towel from the floor and hang it in the bathroom. Straighten your bed sheets, make sure they look clean and tidy. Take a quick selfie of the background to make sure there’s no embarrassing mess that features during your sexy time. A dirty sock on the floor doesn’t exactly set the right tone.
5. Get comfortable. I recommend lying on your bed, but make sure you prop your head up with a few pillows. A double chin is not sexy. I say it again. No. sexy
6. Do it with someone you trust completely. Hey, my guy might be totally inappropriate in the ’emotionally unavailable’ sense, but do I trust him? Yes, 100%. I’ve known him for years and we’ve built a level of trust that means I have no fear of him taking a secret recording and leaking it to his mates. If you’re going to show your face in something that involves nudity, you have to trust the person you’re doing it with. Don’t put yourself in an unintended OnlyFans situation.
So going back to Mr. Bad Decision and making the oopsy-daisy mistake I made earlier, may I suggest spicing up your love life with some sexy Facetime? absolutely It gets 10/10 from this sexually satisfied woman.
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